give me a sign

just like we did with bug 

we have been using signs with the twins 

we *heart* baby signing time

they are doing 3-4 signs right now 

and we can tell by the look on their face 

they recognize so many more

i think signing will be a huge help with the twins
because of their high frustration levels right now
trying to communicate

{pic}

by the time bug was 18 mos old she 

was signing up to 5 words at a time 

and it really helped bridge the gap 

between what she was thinking and being 

able to communicate it with us 

when her speech caught up

 the signs slowly drifted away

even to this day though 

we still use signs with each other 

such as thank you, eat, drink 

for example 

when we are in a big crowd or if we are on the phone 

communication is the key after all, right?

brown

bug was (and still is) excited about being a BIG sister 

and to have TWO little sisters!

oh my!

she called them 'brown sisters' the first week we had them 

(this has since faded)

since she was proud she asked to take pictures of twins to school 

i decided this was a good time to have a talk 

about how not everyone likes people who look different from them 

we talked in very simple terms 

she was shocked 

she has many adopted friends who are from different counties and 

we are waiting for a cousin, oliver, to come home from south korea 

so diversity is apart of our life 

she took the pictures to school and came home with stories 

all were positive except one boy made fun of her 'new sisters'

and she was mad 

i am glad we chatted before this happened 

but it was a reminder of how much our life 

is and will change with the newest additions 

and how many more talks we will have like the one above 

achieved

one major goal i was working towards in 2011 (besides another adoption) was running a full marathon

 w/ my running buddy

 we completed it on 11/4/2011 at the monumental marathon

i think the universe was looking out for me because we were not contacted about the twins until 

after the race 

i was pumped, well trained and ready to see the finish line

there was a large group of us running 

(either the 1/2 or the full) 

we kept a good pace which would accomplish our goal time

the music, cheering from spectators and sheer joy of knowing

 i was running a freakin' marathon 

kept me going 

it was about 30-31 degrees and i couldn't feel me feet until about mile 4 

but after i warmed up i was soon stripping off the layers and by the end of the race

i was in a tank 

i ran the last mile the fastest i could and when i saw the lines and crowds of people 

hot tears filled my eyes

then i saw two friends with hand made signs screaming my name and i lost it

i was sobbing as i crossed the finish line 

I DID IT!

I DID IT! 

I DID IT!

is all that ran through my mind

i ran a marathon 

without stopping once 

and i felt absolutely amazing 

all the training had paid off

all those saturday mornings running for 3-4+ hrs were totally worth it 

(ok honestly i loved the long runs)

and i could have ran 30 miles the day of the big race  without much trouble 

ultras were my next on my list 

(and then we got the call about the twins so that goal has been placed on the back burner for awhile)

thank you

everyone has them 

or at least they should 

manners 

its a big deal in our family 

and i have to admit a huge pet peeve of mine 

when others don't use them

(i am not pulling out my soap box so no worries)

we remind bug to 'pull her manners out of her pocket' 

if she isn't using them
or if you lost or forgot yours you can borrow mine
a teasing way to remind her

of course the way children learn manners are by 

watching their parents

so i try my best to be a good example 

i am also a little old fashion 

i use ma'am and sir 

and i also believe in thank you cards 

{free printable}

so after all the help we have had with the twins 

food, gifts, donations, etc 

bug witnessed me sitting down and writing out 

thank you cards 

addressing the envelopes

 and gasp!

 putting a stamps on them 

in our world  its easier to just electronically send a note  

( email, facebook, texting etc )

but lets be honest 

who doesn't enjoy getting a card, note or package 

via 'snail mail'?

i know i do!

so thank you cards will continue 

in our family 

along with good manners 

a special group

about 1.5 yrs ago we went to a dinner club gathering for our church

the host family just happened to be in the process of adopting domestically 

and they 'just happen' to be chatting with another family from our church 

who also was in the process of adopting 

small world, eh?

we ended up staying way after everyone went home so we could 

continue to talk about adoption and our personal journeys 

the 1st couple explained they were adopting internationally 

 from ethiopia
the 2nd family were adopting through a private adoption agency
and of course we were knee deep in our classes for the foster to adopt program 

all 3 of us adding to our families through adoption but in completely different ways
but we were all open to race and gender  

we have gathered every other month since then 

and i am amazed how our journeys have crossed paths 

the 1st family brought home a 1 y/o (girl)  and 4 y/o (boy) sibling group from ethiopia this past oct 

we ended up being placed with african american 1 y/o twin girls in nov 

and the 2nd family received a call in december about an african american new born baby boy 

{baby b 1 month old}

so not only did we all receive placement of children w/in 3 mos of each other but we 

all ended up adopting children of the same race 

we have marveled at this strange occurrence

and feel that we were guided to each other 

to be each others support during the process 

and also in raising our children 

what a special gift for our little ones 

to grow up and have the support of each other!

sweet treats

bunny has been struggling with us holding her

if we don't have a bottle in our hands then 

she pushes, hits, and screams to get away from our hold 

this is the only 'holding' she doesn't like 

so i spoke to a dear friend of mine and one 

i consider a 'professional expert' 

she said i should consider using deborah gray's advise of 

a sweet treat 

{flickr)

basically when bunny is calm when we are holding her

we  put something sweet in her mouth 

(the suggestion is M&M's but we use agave)

bunny will link sweet (aka good stuff) to us holding her 

we also looked at when and what we are doing when we hold her 

we usually give her a bottle and then to sleep

 we thought perhaps this is a trigger 

now we are holding her at different times of the day 

so she wont link it to any certain event that follows 

it is helping though not 100%

adjusting

well its been almost 2 months and 2 holiday have passed
since the twins came to live with us 

we have been visited by numerous people
including family an friends

 but since the twins are in the foster care system 

(and we are 'technically' their foster parents until we finalize)

we have visits with social works, case works, CASA's, evaluations, and doctors

(thank goodness for google calendars so i keep everything straight!)

peanut was 'feisty' when she 1st came to us 

she screamed, fussed, and didn't like being held 

after working with her she has become 

a little sweetie

peanut loves to be held, cuddles, laughs and giggles 

(most of the time)

still working a few other things but overall she is doing well 

our sweet bunny took a turn over the holidays 

she became....
frustrated and angry 

not sure if it is a stage, too much stimulation, interaction

or perhaps the perhaps the honeymoon is over?

but they did get thrown off their schedule over the holidays
and they love their schedules 

and she hasn't been the same since

she bites, hits, scratches, pinches 

and most of all hates being held 

so after talking to some professionals and friends 

we are giving bottles at every nap and at night

(we were only doing the night bottle)

i am wearing the girls in a sling during the day 

which they love 

we are still feeding them and not allowing them to help

we are the ones who bathe, dress, change the girls 

and we agreed no one else can give the girls bottles 

we are also on a tight schedule during the day 

these girls like to sleep and if they are off at all 

the entire family pays 

adjustment is a understatement 

but although it has brought frustration
its also given us joy and laughter
which fills the cup that can
feel pretty empty at the end of the day 

twins!

well, things have changed course

we went to the interview for the sibling set of 3 a few weeks ago

we left feeling overwhelmed, sad, and amazed

these little kiddos had been through so much and really needed

a family (in our opinion) with a full time stay at home mom

no siblings close in age

intense therapy

and a year lock down on all activities

we were so impressed with the team that was advocating for these children

we knew when we left that they would locate the prefect family for them

in our hearts we knew it wouldn't be us

it was too much to ask of 'our bug'

we headed out to lunch to chat and someone left a voice mail

i checked it on our way home and it was a case worker inquiring if

we were interested in twin 1 yr old african american girls

we called back to get more info

mind you we are in the middle of the country heading back to indy

so the cell signal kept dropping during the conversation

we pulled over as semi's barreled past us shaking the car

we held the phone up to the car ceiling

and madly wrote down everything she said

she said she would send pictures via email and we could contact

her with questions

meet them and then decide

racing home we peeked into the email

what happy beauitful babies were starring back at us!

we shot back a ton of questions over the next few days

the termination of rights are not complete but heading that way

we were told

they want to move them into a pre-adoptive home to start bonding

we decided to go for it ...holding on to our hearts

we were told the next week the current foster mom didn't want to

foster them any longer and could we take them the next day

since we had planned for older kids we had purchased bunk beds a few months ago

baby stuff we didn't have

i gave it all away

to a single low income mother out reach program at our church 3 yrs ago

i was urged to post on facebook the situation and see if

anyone i knew had baby stuff they wanted to donate

(especially the big stuff: cribs, pack in plays, etc)

basically- we had a baby shower on facebook

stuff just showed up, dropped off or josh ran and got it

the baby's room theme is: ....eclectic

sparing you all the events and craziness that took place in the next 48 hrs

the short version

the *twinkies* moved in with us 9 days ago

i am dropping down to part time in 2 weeks so they are in full time

daycare until then

bunny and peanut

have filled our house with

happiness, giggles, messiness, and exhaustion

soooo

i am not sure where to begin

to say i have been slacking on this blog is an understatement

i am not sure if it was the nice weather

too much going on

or not enough

i just wasn't feeling it

but i have an update

we have been looking at 'referrals'

we weren't the right match for very many

(in our opinion)

so after we had our SNAP homestudy updated and became licensed foster parents

we were told about a sibling group of 3 under 5 yrs old

talk about doubling a family!

after lists of pros, cons, changes, budgets, work schedules etc, etc, etc

we decided to say we were interested

we chatted with the case worker and i liked her from the moment she said hi

she answered a ton of questions that day and so many emails since

we go in for an interview in november with the sibling groups 'care' team

we were told 1 other family is interested

the case worker will call us that afternoon after our meeting

thats when we will find out if our life will change forever

meanwhile we wait and try very hard not to think about it

soon

some say we are kinda crazy and perhaps we are...

but my running buddy and i ran 16 miles last saturday

we were running by 7 am

i couldn't wait

the weekend before was 15 miles and it felt awesome

so i was actually looking forward to 16

in a few weeks we will be running our longest one for the marathon training

20!

we ran the women's 1/2 marathon in september

and i am running the community 1/2 marathon in october

all preparation for the full marathon in november

and this is what will be on my back car window when its all done

3rd room

well we plunged in and bought bunk beds last week

(thank you craigs list)

bug went through all her things and decided what to give to the 'kids'

that will someday live in that room

since we are moved into a bigger home in sept so we could open up our options

and accept sibling groups we are not sure what the combo will be

two girls, two boys, one of each...perhaps 3?

so bug said she wanted to call them 'kids' until she knew what to call them

my dad brought down an old dresser my sisters and i used when we were little

needs come updating ...perhaps a little paint and some new hardware

so the 3rd room sits

undefined

unisex

well sorta.

all of bugs stuff do make it look very girly

we are now going through the process of updating our

home study and also becoming licensed foster parents

this way we can accept

"at risk children" placements

this process has not always been clear or well guided

but we are hoping before christmas we will be placed

with 'some kids'

as bug would say

just like you

few nights ago my husband was talking to bug about becoming an adult. when he mentioned having babies she said, "dad! i am not going to have a baby." he assured her that it was her choice. " i didn't say i didn't want kids! i am going be like my mommy...and adopt my babies!" she looked at me and winked.

"they need families too."

a post card

i often joke with my friends

i know i am suppose to trust in 'Gods plan'

but i wish i knew he really had one

i am not asking for a personal visit or a long detailed letter

a post card would be nice

get it in the mail

it just says

dearest cara

i've got a good plan

love God

short, sweet and to the point

and who doesnt like getting mail?

post cards come with pretty pictures on the front too
bonus

and they are cheap to send

well in our little family of 3 some majors things have happened

and we have some huge decision to make 

i feel like i need to know there is a plan

i have been on edge and overwhelmed a bit

last week bug opened the mail and said

you got mail mom!

as she handed me a post card

locals

i was flipping through a local 'newspaper' and saw an article about a newly opened resturant in my favorites place in indianapolis, broadripple. the article raved about the food and atmosphere of the new place

 that i knew we would have to try it on our next outing. we took my dad and step mom

to fire by the monon for fathers day.

their website states, "our first step includes working with local producers and suppliers to bring their best products to your table. Consequently, our menus may change as the seasons change. We want our produce to be fresh and of the best quality at all times."

how could i not support a local place like this?!

hands down the best portabella mushroom sandiwch (and sweet potato fries) i have ever had!

the rest of the crew loved their's as well and dinner conversations was sparce

due to the great satisfaction of the food.

 mostly "hmmmm"'s, "wow!" and "on my"

 if i wasnt so full after my meal i would have order it all over again!

(in fact, been dreaming about it all day)

"fire" (as the wait staff called it) had these 1940's type posters/ artwork on the walls

about eating local

and growing your own garden

(right up my alley!)

i looked up the artist on my phone

victory garden of tomorrow

i knew i wanted to have some for my own house

maybe the kitchen?

and affordable!

$12 each

they sell them on etsy which is even better

now i only have to decide...which one ....or maybe which ones?

a new understanding

as we tucked bug into bed she told us very frankly

"she doesn't like me"

we weren't sure who she was speaking of

then she explained "the woman who had me in her belly..

she doesn't like me"

we assured her this wasn't true and promised to chat about it more in the morning

we sat on our porch and decided how to address her statement as a team

we knew this was coming

its pretty much on target for the age the adoption literature states these questions start to form

over breakfast we asked her how she came to this conclusion

she explained "well she left me at the hospital and the orphanage.

 if she liked me she wouldn't have done that"

ouch

it hurts my heart for her to feel and think this

we explained what info we had on her bio-parents

ages, appearances and circumstances of placement into the baby home

we also mildly explained the birds and bees

after we were done she said "okay"

smiled and went on to tells us about something she drew

so many of conversations happen like this

comes up all of sudden and leaves just as fast

hills

okay so i ran another 1/2 marathon

it was 2 weeks after the mini

i was already trained so why not

soooooo

glad i did

the geist was a nice change of scenery

and i got it to run it with my running buddy 

we ran the whole race and didn't stop once 

even on those brutal hills 

we chatted and pushed each other through to the very end

she looked at me at the last mile and told me if we kicked it

into high gear i would get a new PR

we ran as fast as our tired legs could go

and she was right- i beat my time by 5 mins!

my husband also ran the geist marathon

it was his first

(he says he is hooked and plans to run more)

i have signed up for some smaller races this summer
and looking at 3 more 1/2's this fall and cannot wait!

its healthy addiction

veggies

so while my computer was off  during lent

i watched documentaries (on netflixs) 

i also read

alot

i do anyway but i was on 'high gear' during lent

it was almost to the point of information overload

i also gave up meat for lent

it wasn't too hard for me since we hardly ever ate it

we stopped eating red meat a long time ago

and i couldn't tell you the last time i touched pork or chicken

i got food poisoning one day in the fall and the last thing i had eaten

was fish so hadn't returned to it

(the after the taste of fish in my throat all night from being sick
it was way too fresh in my mind to eat it again)

i took alot of time to think pray and read

i jumped off the fence that i had been straddling for sometime

and announced to my not too surprised husband

that i was a vegetarian

{pic}

i was back in college when josh 1st met me and returned to eating meat

because i kept having fainting and 'sugar' issues

i know now that i wasn't eating as well as i thought and it wasn't

because i wasn't eating meat

returning to vegetarianism i better educated and feel very secure in my decision

 when we have brought up that we try to eat as local

and organic as possible

it makes people defensive

almost upset it appears

and when you add the word vegetarian

woooo....

now you've really done it

some people feel they have to convince you otherwise

like it is up for debate or they must save you from this horrible mistake

what i have discovered in this journey is

food is very personal

like religion or politics

but just like the two subjects above

i am not trying to sway anyone or bring anyone 'to my side'

for me it was a very personal choice

and i am totally okay with you making yours

1st mini

so this winter and spring i have been training for the indianapolis mini  1/2 marathon

it was perfect weather

51 and cloudy

i did not stop running once i started

not even for a potty break

it began to mist and then turned into a sprinkle around mile 8

and didn't end until i crossed the finish line and grabbed my goodies

the sky opened up and the glorious sun came out

i beat my time from my 1st 13.1 in nov 2010

it wasn't much but hey!

still counts right?

and i ran in it a running skirt

which was an early mothers day present

 i love it!!

i am hobbled around for a few days muscles tight and in a little pain

but as a fellow running friend told me

' today you are feeling the success of the race'

and it much not be too bad because i am running another 1/2 in less than 2 weeks!

(yes i am addicted)

left field

we completed the adoption classes in march

and got our little certificate

then we were approved by the

snap council in indianapolis in april

we located a little girl right away on adoptuskids.org

and inquired about her with guarded hopes and she was placed 

the next day with another family 

we were told about two sibling groups two weeks in a row 

one the girls were out of our age range 

the other was a large group of siblings that we knew we 

couldn't accommodate 

we located another little one in another state and inquired but haven't heard back  

from the sw yet...its been almost 3 weeks

and just sent an inquiry about 2 sisters today

this process has been so different than the one to find bug

i just knew i had people looking out of me and didn't really worry

i knew we would find a child who matched our family

this journey i feel a little out in left field

{pic}

people we have met along the way have been nice but

they seem to have their own ideas of what is best for us

very different advice and information

so we have learned to sort through it

(with a little help from a curly haired friend)

i have also feel like we are competing for children we

are interested in and i am getting the feeling

that the social workers don't seem to

see us as ...people ...a family

we either don't get a response from inquiries or

a simple 'placed' as a reply

i want to say 'hey! we had a little hope wrapped into that email sent!"

how about  'sorry but we placed her with another family

good luck on your journey'

it would be very nice and encouraging

and really does it take that much longer to write the above

response?

we have included bug on all children we have been sent or asked about

explaining the process to her as we go

it appears to be abstract to her tat this point

she hasn't asked too many questions

and it hasn't raised any interesting conversations

yet

 i can tell you she was very excited about the large sibling group

we were shown until we told her with that many children

we would probably never be able to go out for dinner again

which led to a prompt, "oh...i don't want that many sisters."

guess we know where she stands!

phennie

well if i am going to catch everyone up

i better start where i left off

on 2/18/11 our sweet phoenix left this world

to go into 'doggie heaven' as bug has explained

i was in one word

devastated

he was my first baby, my buddy, my doggie pal for 12 1/2 yrs

how to say goodbye to such a loyal friend?

my hubby was the true hero

and took charge

the 'strong one'

while he watched me sobbed uncontrollably

i know that sweet phennie is at peace

his legs are now working

his hips don't hurt anymore

and bug says he is running with our kitty luba

i think God knew how hard i would take

phoenix leaving so he arranged for the

very next day to have a boxer puppy our lives

i wasn't sure

it all seemed to quick and too sudden

but my husband said

'we need this. YOU need this'

i guess he was right

so we said yes to a rescued stray

(he came from the same rescue organization that we got

our other dog bele girl from arpo)

this floppy eared adorable puppy bounded into our lives

and with some kisses we knew we made the right choice

and our hearts began to heal 

and so we named him chili beans

(beans after phoenix. it was one of his many nick names)

returning

hi

after a good long break

i am back

i actually teetered about returning

the 'detox' break from facebook and blogging felt wonderful

but after some thought ...

here i am

soooo much has changed and happened

will catch up with everyone elses blogs and my own soon

taking time

 i have been preoccupied with some many events going on right now

 that i haven't made time to blog

since today marks ash wednesday

and the beginning of lent i decided to take a little break

from my blog and focus on events unfolding

(which also means i wont check other blogs very much either)

{pic}

just think !

by the time i come back

spring will be in full force!

finds

a good girl friend shares her good finds and bargains

i think its something most women do

(perhaps like men sharing fishing stories?)

so while browsing through our local goodwill for something

bug needed at school i found two lovely pairs of shoes

they were..

gasp!

1/2 off that day only

well if their regular price of $4.99

wasn't a good enough deal

$2.49 was even sweeter!

so i walked out with 2 pairs of nine west shoes for $5.00!

(all shoes modeled by bug)

then this weekend a local resale consignment shop had a

super sale
everything you could fit into a red bag (they handed out) was

$15.00!

even though we got there shortly after they opened

it was very busy

walked out with 21 tops and 2 scarves in one bag

i was feeling pretty proud of myself!

maybe i should have grabbed two bags?

i don't shop often and what i do buy i keep for a long time

perhaps a little too long

ask anyone close to me

i am also not too proud to accept hand me ups

(from my younger sisters)

though these events have faded the farther away they have moved

i am getting better about treating myself and the two shopping adventures

mentioned above were well deserved and very nice on my bank account

yeah me!

support

so we are 1/2 through bugs kindergarten year

and as it has progressed i felt the need to reach out and have support

from other adopted parents in the school and parish

at a dinner club gathering in the fall i met 2 other couples in the process

of adopting their first child (ren)

after a long night at chatting we

decided to form an adoption support group at our church
i was surprise how easy it was!
after getting the blessing from the parish office

we posted in the bulletin and had a surprising response

approximately 20 families who either thinking about, in the process, or

had adopted said they were interested

we had our first informal gathering last month

families who were formed by domestic, foster, international

and even disrupted adoptions came together

{pic}

once everyone introduced and explained their own journey

the conversations just flowed

i was able to ask questions of the parents who had children who

were in high school or their children were grown and had children of their own!

it was so successful we plan to meet every other month

i had no idea how many families in bugs school

were formed by adoption

if any questions or situations arise

i now have the support and knowledge
from these parents to help

all it took was on posting in a bulletin...

never know until you reach out 

groove

with all the snow, sleet, ice and general freeze that winter brings to indiana

i have had a hard time convincing myself to get up

@ 5 am in the morning to run

only to face blowing winds and sub zero temps

as i scrape ice off my car and allow it to warm up

so i can go to the gym and jump on the treadmill

soooo much easier to wake up a little later and not run

{pic}

i have been hit or miss making my 3-4 runs a week

but this week i had a turn around

my hubby signed up for a 1/2 marathon (in may)

its his first one

(i am soo excited for him!)

he started training last week

and so i feel his need for me to be motivated as well

did i mention i signed up for the same 1/2 marathon as he did?

after i signed up for another one 2 weeks before!

(i was feeling pretty confident when i did this to myself)

so i guess i should get my buns in gear

and start facing the cold dark mornings again

knowing that the ole groundhog predicted an

early spring has made my spirits lift

to run outside and hear the birds chirp!!

and maybe that high does of vitamin d i am on is helping too

btw it has also spurred me into looking for a nice

sale on treadmills or a good used one

(avoiding all the ice and freeze might help next year!)